Tuesday 11 December 2012

Wrestling Wrap Up: The Shield Attacks Cena!

Wait, so can you call a team The Pink and The Stink on a TV-PG show?

I really wonder if this name will be "wildcatted" and we'll have to hear Cole and Lawler try and sell it as Team Rhode Scholar's alternate fan name. Can you imagine Cole trying to remind everyone that Miz referred to them as Pink and Stink?

To recap, all this came about because Cody Rhodes did the greatest thing he could have ever done to make himself relevant again. He grew a doody stache. Yes, he now dons a creepy "under the bridge/windowless van" mustache that was so vile that an honest-to-goodness "Cody's Mustache" chant broke out last night on RAW. Now, I don't know if this is Cody trying to grow a full mustache and we've just caught him at an awkward "werewolf in mid-transition" phase, but it's become super clear that he needs to keep it like this.

"Thank you, thank you. I'll be abducting all your children later."

Welcome to Cody's Mustache 3:16. Now, the whole "stink" part of the Pink/Stink insult that Miz top-spinned at us last night was a bit of a stretch. The pink part is solid. But to make this whole vagina/butt insult work, we have to buy that Cody's 7-11 parking lot "wanna buy mezzanine tickets to Foreigner?" lip fuzz smells bad. As in, it's a smelly mustache. And it doesn't quite work, joke-wise. Especially when what's been saving Miz is that his lewd-ish insults are supposed to have dual meaning. One sexual, one innocuous. Like last week when he stated that "your mom" was, emphatically, someone "who sucks." And while these ribs might get a laugh out of half the crowd, I can't foresee them making the weekly replays.

But yeah, the Cody stache? It stays. Forever. It's incredible. It's the kind of mustache that would try to pay for a bottle of Boone's with old laundry tokens. It's the mullet of facial hair.

That mustache still listens to Bob Seger on 8-track and does doughnuts down by the quarry. It's Latin Lover meets molesting guidance counselor. Sitcoms in the '80s had "Very Special Episodes" about that mustache.

Miz also referenced Marty Jannetty last night, and it's not the first time someone's used his name as an insult to reference the "loser member of a tag team." Poor guy. I mean, most tag teams split up, and one dude usually does better than the other. But in Jannetty's case, his dude went on to be the greatest dude of all time. Not helping Marty though, is Marty's Twitter. Now, he seemed to have a different Twitter account a year ago, but he stopped tweeting in Sept '11. But now there's another account that's just a sad, angry shame-spiral.

Holy hell. Hey, DDP. I found your next Kilimanjaro.

...

So yeah, last night's insult on RAW really seemed to be smothering sea salt in the gaping wound. Granted, it might not be the real Marty. It's the internet. None of it's verified. But read through the timeline. It's also not quite a parody. And if it is, it's really sad and subtle. Anyway, if Jannetty's intention, or the guy posing as Jannetty's intention, was to make me sad about Jannetty, then mission accomplished.

The Shield hit the ring last night during the Cena/Big Show match and pummeled Cena. Because...I don't know. I guess Cena's just the embodiment of "injustice" in the WWE. But where was Shield when AJ got screwed in her match with Vickie? And where is the Shield in the whole "Sheamus getting another WHT shot at a PPV" deal? I really like the idea of the Shield, but I do wish they had ultra clear and concise motives.

Are they only fighting for injustice against heels then? The three of them made a video where they explained that, yes, they beat up Orton because he was booked to squash Maddox. And that the polygraph test (which Punk agreed to) was a sham. But then when they got to their reason for attacking Hell No they just said..."No one says 'No' to The Shield." What now? Ugh. That almost ruins the whole thing for me. Have a damn reason. Just make it up. Even if they want to accuse the two of them of not being a real team or something because they don't get along.

More from The Shield, AJ and Punk on page 2...


Source : ign[dot]com

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