Tuesday, 18 December 2012

Wrestling Wrap Up: AJ Kisses Ziggler!

How To Download an App: A Guide to Enjoying Software for Mobile Devices - aka "The World of the Web at Your Fingertips"

Step one: From your handset, find the 'App Store' icon and tap it to access the store. You can either browser the 'New' and 'What's hot' categories to find an app you like the look of. Alternatively, use the Search button at the bottom left of the screen to look for specific apps. As you...

Oh, I'm sorry. You mean you're not a f***in' idiot? You're a fully developed human being with cognitive skills greater than, or even equal to, one of those gorillas that uses sign language?

Yes, if you watched RAW's Slammy celebration last night, which was all based on fan voting, you're well-aware that 88% of the entire broadcast was Michael Cole trying to explain to people how to download the flippin' WWE app. Because you couldn't just head over to dot.com and vote, you had to use the app. So it was just plain ol' trickery.

To be fair, I realize that Cole was giving instructions to people who were so emotionally invested in the outcome of the goddamn Slammys that they just had to download an app and vote, so chances are they needed a detailed storyboard, or a flight attendant-style seatbelt video, to tell them what to do and insure that no one's house got accidentally burned down in the process. So yeah, the extra dose of hand-helding might have been necessary.

I would like you all to know though, before I get into the rest of this Wrap Up, that THIS picture currently exists over at dot.com...

So uncalled for. Both because of the "Aww, poor snowman" aspect and the "Sheamus' ball sack" aspect. Man, at least put him in a Santa suit. And then I could pretend that there was some sort of subversive "Santa's consumerist culture is here to decapitate the innocent winters of your childhood" theme. Anyhow, I thought you should be aware of that image before we press on. There's not much time left in the world and you may have suddenly felt a shift in priorities.

With fans now voting for Slammys - crunch voting over short commercial breaks even - it means even less. Which is a weird thing to type, since it's the Slammys. And no matter how many earnest, drama-filled videos the WWE creates about how these statues represent the absolute pinnacle of "all entertainment"...IT'S A SLAMMY! It's called a "Slammy." Tell a friend of yours, who doesn't watch wrestling, that there's a annual wrestling award show called the Slammys and then instantly watch them become NOT your friend anymore. Just because you told them that and made their world a little darker. I can enjoy a good Slammy show, or even a bad Dennis Miller-hosted one, but let's not bacon-wrap this whole thing. And what I meant by the first sentence of this paragraph is that with fans voting, no heels were going to win. And so if, by chance, there was a rule-breaker who deserved whatever amount of validation a Slammy can provide, he wasn't going to get it. But then, in the end, the WWE knew that so they just wrote that into the story when Punk didn't win "Superstar of the Year." So whatever, clever.

But if you wanted a show that brought out/back The New Age Outlaws, The Bogeyman, Tommy Dreamer, Mean Gene and - WOOOOOO! - Ric Flair, then you were in for a treat. Oh, and if you were wondering if AJ could squeeze in one more make-out session with one more dude (making it five now - #AJALL!) before the new year, then I hope you didn't miss her "hop n' slop" on Ziggler. And yes, you all owe me money since I predicted AJ's crazy swerve back when Ziggler yelled at her in the locker room. I know we didn't have a bet or anything, but just give me all moneys. In money form.

More from Cray-J, her new NXT dude and TLC awesomeness, head to PAGE 2...


Source : ign[dot]com

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