Friday 17 May 2013

Game of Thrones: Ranking the New Season 3 Characters

With only three episodes left in Game of Thrones Season 3, and the ninth episode ("The Rains of Castamere") probably once again being the most pivotal of the year, it's time to look at all the new characters and see who's made the most impact.  And there are plenty to peruse, for sure.  About 20 new names have landed on our lap this year; some are new to the story and are entering at the proper time, compared to the books, while some had been put on hold and kept out of previous seasons (The Reeds, The Tullys, etc).

So who's the best?  Some are cruel.  Others are crueler.  Some are spitfires and some, well, have swords covered in fire.  Some can become birds while others can raise the dead.  A true painter's palette.  Here's how they all rank:

22: Kayla

"Is this your card?"

Inconsequential?  Sure?  Bendy?  Mos def.  Kayla may have seemed like just another flexible whore who could fold herself in half and flash her field mouse, but she also came with a little inside joke - the "Meereenese Knot."  A line thrown out by Tyrion when describing a particularly daring sex act - but also, in real life, the "logistics writer's block" reason author George R. R. Martin used when asked to describe why it took him so long to write the last two Song of Ice and Fire novels (an eleven year span overall).  Because even he was having trouble juggling all his characters and timetables by that point.

21: Razdal mo Eraz

We just met this kind of Richard-from-LOST type dude last week when he had the misfortune of trying to negotiate with Dany and her "babies." He's part of the haughty Yunkai crème de la phlegm and if he's lucky enough to be burned to a crisp by a dragon, he might wrap up the season with a higher ranking.

"It points north, John."

20: Grey Worm

When Dany's not unintentionally making Old and Older fall in love with her, she's unwittingly seducing legions of primitive men.  Grey Worm opted to stick with his slave name because it was the name he held when he first gazed upon Dany's boobs beauty.  Sure, he's been clipped down in his "grey worm" region, but it seems like the Unsullied are really into watching.

"Please let her cut off my nipple..."

19: Meera Reed

In the books, Meera and her brother entered Bran's life back in the second book, A Clash of Kings.  Crafty and lethal, Meera comes from the northern swamplands known as The Neck (the hipsters of Westeros), but unfortunately the show doesn't have much time to devote to her; relegating her to arguments with Osha about who can skin the best rabbit.

Senior Quote: "I run this place, this is cash mill swag" - 2 Chainz

18: Selyse Baratheon

Stannis' wife, like The Reeds, was left out of Season 2, but unlike The Reeds -- who the producers promised we'd eventually meet -- we weren't sure if she was just going to be dropped from the show altogether.  She's even more devotedly bats*** about the whole Lord of Light stuff than her husband, but it's clear, from her menagerie of jarred stillborns, that she's been mentally messed up long before Melisandre arrived on the scene.

"I call the one in the green jar 'Bitey'."

17: Anguy

The archer of the Brotherhood Without Banners.  He's at his best when he's taunting fat boys with falling arrows.  Or taunting The Hound with taunty taunts.

"We were all different before the war. I was in Mumford & Sons."

16: Jojen Reed

Like his sister Meera, we haven't spent that much time with Jojen.  But he's got super powers and has seizures when he lucid dreams, so he gets to move up a couple spots ahead of her.  Again, these are the rankings so far. There's plenty time left for him to do more than just bite down on a belt.

"Flip on any movie channel right now and you'll probably see me in Love Actually. Seriously. Any movie channel."


Source : ign[dot]com

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